What Is A Woman Part 10
What Is A Woman Part 10
The woman’s role as mother
In prior installments of this blog, we discussed the fact that according to the Bible, a woman’s priorities should be in this order: God first, husband second, children third and community and other relationships fourth. Today we are going to discuss the woman’s third priority: her children.
When God made woman, he designed her to be a helper and a nurturer. She is designed differently than man. Whether a woman has children or not, she is called to be a nurturer. Barbara Hughes in her book Disciplines of a Godly Woman says this about God designing women as nurturers: “God’s word teaches that nurturing life is uniquely female. We are all daughters of Eve, whose name, we are told in Genesis 3:20,means ‘mother of all living’. Each of us, like Eve, has been given a body designed to nurture life. We are reminded of this every month with the storing and passing of blood necessary for the nourishment of the unborn. Our breasts are likewise given to nourish the newborn. Those who become pregnant and give birth experience the full realization of these gifts and make the wondrously personal discovery that an infant is wholly dependent on the mother’s body for life itself. But there are many women who never give birth, whose nurture will necessarily extend to those who are not her children….The Bible teaches that all women are created to ‘mother’, to nurture life. Mothering is more than the mere mechanics of uterus and breast. It is far more profound.” (page 158-159)
To embrace God’s design for nurturing, we have to also embrace the truth that God loves children and wants us to nurture them throughout their lives. Not only this, but that they are generous gifts from Him. Psalm 127:3 says, “Behold children are a gift of the Lord; the fruit of the womb is a reward.” This is a radical concept in our selfish, self-serving worldly culture. In our culture it is deemed a greater virtue to kill your baby in the womb than to lovingly raise that baby. To raise that baby a woman necessarily has to give of herself sacrificially. Our society hates that idea. But, remember that the essence of biblical womanhood is a heart of service to others and submission to our Creator. To be a nurturer and embrace motherhood is what God calls us to even though society tries to influence us to give up such roles. Remember that in following God’s ways is fulfillment and joy that can be found nowhere else. Being a mother the way God designed it is a role full of joys, laughter, love, pain, worry, and a deep fulfillment. It is not easy, but so worth every moment.
In the portrait of the excellent woman in Proverbs 31, we see the woman serving her family in a multitude of ways. In the ending verses her children rise up and bless her because of her character and care for them. In Titus 2:4, God tells us that older women are to encourage the young women to “love their husbands, to love their children”. So, what does God’s call for us to raise our children and love them mean?
1. Our children are gifts from the Lord and are given to us to steward. They do not belong to us. Dorothy Patterson in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood says, “”this biological duty (our bodies designed to nurture life) may also be accepted as a divinely assigned destiny with the awesome opportunity for a woman to link hand and heart with the Creator God in bearing and preparing the next generation…” (page 370) Everything we have is given to us from the Lord to steward in a way that honors Him. This includes our children. We are accountable to God for how we go about mothering. In I Chronicles 29:14b, Solomon tells God “For all things come from You, and from Your hand we have given You.” This truth applies to our children.
2. Our primary duty as mother is to teach our children the truth and how to apply it to daily life. The Bible has much to say about parenting. The majority of it is about instructing our children in the right way that will help them to live well. If we believe God’s word to be inspired by God, then we believe it to be applicable and important to all of life. II Timothy 3:16 tells us that it is “profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work”. Psalm 119 tells us that God’s word is a lamp to our feet (vs 105), helps us stay away from sin (verse 11) and gives understanding to the simple (verse 130). The book of Proverbs is a long explanation of how God’s wisdom will bring life and blessing if we obey it. Because we believe God’s word to be all this, we will diligently teach it to our children if we love them. Before we can teach it to them, we have to know it and live it ourselves. We should also apologize and repent when we do not. This is something that we will need to do often since we are sinners just like our kids.
A key passage where God commands us to teach our children is Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” We see here that we are to be teaching our children truth, and its application in all aspects of daily life. There are many passages exhorting people to remember what their mothers and fathers have taught them. Paul attributes some of Timothy’s knowledge of Scripture to his godly mother and grandmother in II Timothy 1:5.
Here are other passages that show that God expects mothers and fathers to teach their children:
Ephesians 6:1 “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (which assumes you are teaching them what to do.)
Proverbs 1:8 “Hear my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.”
Proverbs 6:20 “My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother.”
Proverbs 23:22 “Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”
Ephesians 6:4 “And fathers (the word used here can mean parents and not exclusively fathers),do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
The instruction we give to our children should be done in partnership with and submission to our husbands. We are parenting together with our husbands to parent our precious children. Our husbands should be our first human priority. We can’t lose sight of that.
3. When we teach our children, we are not just giving words of explanation or quoting of verses, but we enforce our teaching by purposely using the reality of choices having consequences. We follow our Lord’s example in this regard. When dealing with us as His children, He gives us choices to make and tells us what the consequences will be for each choice.
In Proverbs 3:12, it says, “for whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a Father, the son in whom He delights.”
In Ephesians 6:4 I quoted above, we are called to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. These two things go hand in hand.
Proverbs 29:15 tells us, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.”
Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”
In instructing the children of Israel, God very clearly laid out choices they could make and the resulting consequences for those choices. Deuteronomy 28:1-2, 15 “Now it shall be, if you will diligently obey the Lord your God, being careful to do all His commandments which I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you will obey the Lord your God…But it shall come about, if you will not obey the Lord your God, to observe to do all His commandments and His statutes with which I charge you today, that all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you…” The reason for the choices and consequences is to deter them from destroying their lives, and encourage them to behavior that will allow them live life abundantly. The goal in instruction and administering consequences is always for good for our children, just like God’s goal in instructing and disciplining us.
4. Pray for our children. In I Thessalonians 5:17, we are told to “pray without ceasing”. In Philippians 4:6 we are told to not be anxious but to pray with thanksgiving instead. In Psalm 62:8 we are told to “pour out your heart before Him”. Our children are very close to our hearts. We love them in a unique and very deep way. But parenting is challenging. And our society is hell bent on influencing them to go to the path of destruction. We need to come to the Lord for help, wisdom, strength, patience, and for peace instead of anxiousness. In James 1:5 God promises to give us wisdom if we ask. We are in desperate need of wisdom. Each child we have is different, has different strengths and weaknesses, and is motivated by different things. How can we get through to them? How can we help them to overcome a behavior or a challenge? How can we know what is really going on at times? Sometimes all we can do is come before the Lord with tears and say, “HELP!”, and be so thankful that in Romans 8:26 it says that the Spirit intercedes for us when we don’t know how to pray. Our Lord loves our children even more than we do. We can come to His throne boldly for help and He will answer. One of our main prayers should be for our children to come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. This is their greatest need, and only the Lord can make it happen. We just sow the seeds of the gospel in their hearts.
5. We cannot forsake our first priority when we are mothers. Our first priority is to fear, worship and submit ourselves to the Lord. We as mothers love our children so deeply that we can be tempted to have our whole identity and purpose wrapped up in them. We need to be committing them to the Lord regularly knowing that they are the Lord’s and not ours. We need to know that our job is to be faithful to apply God’s instruction to mothers. If God wills, He will then soften their hearts and bring them into submission to Him and our instruction as adults. We cannot change their hearts or make them follow our ways when they become adults. Our goal is to love, instruct, discipline and support them. Our motivation should be to receive God’s praise of “well done good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23). We may receive rich blessing in relationship with our children when they are adults. That is truly such a blessing! Or we may not, because they do not choose that. Our children may never rise up and bless us even if we have been faithful. They may not ever appreciate us and all the sacrifices we have made. But if our focus and our motivation is to have the Lord smile on us and be pleased with us, we can weather the storms that come, have joy, and stay faithful no matter what. Having the Lord as our first priority is sorely tested sometimes. For example, what will you do if someone you trusted convinces your child to believe lies about you, and steals their affection away from you? What will you do if your child chooses to not listen to you and not follow God’s ways as an adult? What will you do if your child ends up in a cult? What will you do if your child dies? In all these circumstances and other parenting challenges, we need to keep our first priority and be as Job when his children were taken away from him: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21b Will you praise Him when parenting is hard, painful and frustrating? Will you seek His approval rather than anyone else’s? Will God be enough even if all else is taken away? He is worthy of that kind of trust and love. And that is how we keep Him as our first priority even when we love our children so deeply.
Mothering is an amazing and wonderful stewardship God has given to us. He walks with us each step of the way and will guide us, strengthen us, and give us wisdom and joy throughout our childrens’ lives, and will reward us richly in this life and in the one to come for our faithfulness. If you feel that you have not done as you should in mothering your children, today is the day to ask God for forgiveness and start anew. That is what God wants, and we all need to do this frequently. None of us are perfect mothers, but God wants us to keep forging onward with His help to become better each day and to please Him more, rather than wallow in regrets. God will enable us to be the mother He wants us to be today as we look to Him.
Here is a song that is a lovely prayer for our children that always makes me get teary because it is so my heart: Keith & Kristyn Getty, Moya Brennan - A Mother's Prayer - YouTube
In the next blog installment, I will be discussing a woman’s other relationships, such as with those in the church and with our parents.
Verses to memorize in response: Deuteronomy 6:6-7
Please let me know if you have any questions or feedback. You can email me at candice@anastasihome.com